This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
