ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need to sanitize my soul.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
