Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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