I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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