your thong is hanging out like whoa
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
