I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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