I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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