Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
