YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
