My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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