I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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