You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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