Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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