Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
