I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
