He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
