three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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