the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
