omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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