i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
