Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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