the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
