It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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