I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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