i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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