I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Two words: nipple clamps
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