If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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