when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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