Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
