maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
