barbara walters just said penis...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The ass gains better be worth it
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