He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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