grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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