my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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