this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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