He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Randomize
