Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
