we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
