please come you make the beer taste better
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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