dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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