Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
