Will you blow on my dice?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
