white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
