the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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