cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
