Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
