Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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