i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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