Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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