He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
