You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
