I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
