I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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