She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so let's talk penis.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
