weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
